So... here we are again...

Well I kinda disappeared for a few months... Started this thing in January and just never followed up with it. Needless to say, this entry will be kinda long, so here goes...

Scratch that. I'd be a fool to say I knew where to begin with this (but then again, I've been more wrong before). Since I last wrote, I've been in so many different moods and states of mind it's hard to keep track of. I've lost some friends, made new ones, and rediscovered some of the ones that I'd lost/that had faded away, which is something I'm really grateful for.

Life is full of mysteries. I can't even put a finger on why some of the friendships that ended did, or why some of those friends faded away- I just look back on it as something out of my control, when in reality, there's always something that I could've (would've.... should've...) done about it but I just didnt. It's not that I didnt care, and in my heart there isn't a friend I've had that I don't still care about to this day, no matter if I havent spoken to them in damn near forever. Everything always seems easier in retrospect-at least for me. At the time, i have no idea what I'm doing, and as I struggle to figure it out, I wind up getting more and more confused to the point where I wind up fucking something up, regardless of my better intentions. After the fact, I'm able to think about it with a cool, calm, and colleceted head, seeing as whats been done is done, and I realize that the simplest thing to do would've been to do what I'd been telling myself to do all along but couldn't work up the strength to do.

"Have no fear of giving in... Have no fear of getting older... You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again..."

As I enter the last few years of adolescents, shit seems so much more real for me now. It's not fun, waking up every morning with the sudden realization that the things I do on any given day are going to influence the rest of my life (whether this is true or not, I don't know, but it sure gets me out of bed [mostly on time] in the morning). This thought follows me on my walk to the train, as I'm running to make it to the train ontime and the doors close in my face (bastards...) right up until the moment I close my eyes in my bed and reflect on days past.

"nothin's ever promised tomorrow, today- and nothin lasts forever but lets be honest babe... it hurts but it might be the only way..."

Some people live by the thought that you have to live every day like it's your last one. Right now, I'm just taking everything one day at a time, living it like tomorrow's a promised thing and that I always have more time to do the things that, in all reality, should've been finished last Thursday. In the end of it all, I think that a reasonable goal in life is to find that balance in knowing when to take that risk and say "listen..." or when to keep your mouth shut, realizing that it really can wait. Right now, I'm really more friendly with the second option in almost every area of my life, and, like everything else in my life, it's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.

Done&
Dusted&
Self-Conscious&
Back to Work.

My two cents,

Dillon