Life is about choices. What we do, what we don't. Whether we go left or right at a given corner, whether or not to answer the phone when you fear what happens when you do... granted those are two separate extremes of choice.
Sometimes shit in life doesn't make sense. Throwing caution to the winds is part of experiencing the best of what life has to offer. If we live life by the books all the time, we'll only live, in a way, vicariously through the standards and norms that those who have come before us have set down. I constantly question the choices I make. I'm insecure to the point where I can't help but second guess every decision that I make in my life. Something I hate more than making a choice, or, rather, making the wrong choice, is when someone makes a choice for you, and you're powerless to do anything about it.
Yes, dear reader, as a matter of fact, there is actually a point to this whole thing (suprised? me too...)
Recently a choice was made for me that I can't wholeheartedly disagree with, which is probably the worst part about this. Granted... I've said that there are multiple things that are the worst part about this. I'm pretty sure there isn't anything good.
"I called because I just need to feel you on the line... don't hang up this time..."
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Peace of mind...
Well I wrote this for english class but it seems like a good thing to put on here so... here goes-
It makes my blood boil when I do not have the space of mind to think- it is like metaphorical nails on a chalkboard in my mind.
I am a generally quiet person in my nature. I like having time to think for myself and I like being able to control the space I think in. Needless to say, in a two-bedroom apartment in upper Manhattan with seven inhabitants (six people and a cat) it really is difficult to find that peace of mind that I need to truly be productive. It is very rare that I ever get a moment that is completely to myself.
I share a room with my sister, and I spend as little time in my room as possible (and if you were me, you’d know why). The only other space for me to go that is not my room is my living room, which is shared by everyone. When you have six people of different ages with different interests in the same small space, eventually said interests are going to conflict. I’m a musician, and for the most part, music is what I do during my free time- either listening to it, studying it, or playing my guitar. Naturally, this makes a little bit of noise. I use the computer as a major resource for learning the guitar, and the computer I use is in the living room, so I am usually out there.
When my fourteen-year-old sister is not in the room, she usually wants total control over the television, which creates strife with my younger brothers, who are seven and three. She’ll want to watch America’s Next Top Model, or something of the like, while they want nothing more than to watch cartoons on Nickelodeon. Subsequently, they begin to argue and yell over what’s on the TV. After a good twenty minutes or so, my parents get involved because they think my sister is picking on my brothers and that the overall noise level in the room is a good 7 decibels too loud. Their intervention, however, makes the level of the room rise even more, for then my sister starts yelling at them and at some point one of my brothers is sure to start crying.
Meanwhile, as this whole lovely scenario plays itself out, I sit in the same seat as I am sitting in now, strumming my guitar and hoping that, at some point, there will be a break in the hysterics and I will be left with some peace of mind; somewhere I can let my creative mind wander. The lack of this is enough to make me want to scream- after all, it is not at all easy to feel trapped inside one’s own head...
Well, at this point on a sunday night, these noises have died down...
"And still...
I can't seem to find
The quiet inside
My mind...
My two cents,
Dillon
It makes my blood boil when I do not have the space of mind to think- it is like metaphorical nails on a chalkboard in my mind.
I am a generally quiet person in my nature. I like having time to think for myself and I like being able to control the space I think in. Needless to say, in a two-bedroom apartment in upper Manhattan with seven inhabitants (six people and a cat) it really is difficult to find that peace of mind that I need to truly be productive. It is very rare that I ever get a moment that is completely to myself.
I share a room with my sister, and I spend as little time in my room as possible (and if you were me, you’d know why). The only other space for me to go that is not my room is my living room, which is shared by everyone. When you have six people of different ages with different interests in the same small space, eventually said interests are going to conflict. I’m a musician, and for the most part, music is what I do during my free time- either listening to it, studying it, or playing my guitar. Naturally, this makes a little bit of noise. I use the computer as a major resource for learning the guitar, and the computer I use is in the living room, so I am usually out there.
When my fourteen-year-old sister is not in the room, she usually wants total control over the television, which creates strife with my younger brothers, who are seven and three. She’ll want to watch America’s Next Top Model, or something of the like, while they want nothing more than to watch cartoons on Nickelodeon. Subsequently, they begin to argue and yell over what’s on the TV. After a good twenty minutes or so, my parents get involved because they think my sister is picking on my brothers and that the overall noise level in the room is a good 7 decibels too loud. Their intervention, however, makes the level of the room rise even more, for then my sister starts yelling at them and at some point one of my brothers is sure to start crying.
Meanwhile, as this whole lovely scenario plays itself out, I sit in the same seat as I am sitting in now, strumming my guitar and hoping that, at some point, there will be a break in the hysterics and I will be left with some peace of mind; somewhere I can let my creative mind wander. The lack of this is enough to make me want to scream- after all, it is not at all easy to feel trapped inside one’s own head...
Well, at this point on a sunday night, these noises have died down...
"And still...
I can't seem to find
The quiet inside
My mind...
My two cents,
Dillon
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Why am I awake?
"Midnight... Lock all the doors... And turn out the lights...
There's not a sound...
Blue lights are dancing around...
But still...
I can't seem to find...
The quiet inside my mind..."
It's actually 5 AM. That isn't a computer glitch, and no, you're not going crazy. Maybe I am?
There's not a sound...
Blue lights are dancing around...
But still...
I can't seem to find...
The quiet inside my mind..."
It's actually 5 AM. That isn't a computer glitch, and no, you're not going crazy. Maybe I am?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Another Kind Of Green
TIme to get all philosophical agian...
It always seems like, as a race, humans are constatly incontent with one thing or another in their lives. There's always a desire to better things that honestly don't need... betterment. The feeling of content isn't one that seems to be achieved or, quite frankly, ever really wanted- everyone always has to have the "next best" thing. Is newer always better? Honestly I'd be fine with my "old" ipod or my "old" phone... if either of them were working.... I guess all im saying is (and I know, it's a cliché but) be thankful for what you've got, seriously, because theres someone else out there that would probably love to have half the things you do... like a working phone or ipod... joking, joking...
"You're not a perfect ten but, I don't hit on 19... And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you..."
My two cents,
Dillon
It always seems like, as a race, humans are constatly incontent with one thing or another in their lives. There's always a desire to better things that honestly don't need... betterment. The feeling of content isn't one that seems to be achieved or, quite frankly, ever really wanted- everyone always has to have the "next best" thing. Is newer always better? Honestly I'd be fine with my "old" ipod or my "old" phone... if either of them were working.... I guess all im saying is (and I know, it's a cliché but) be thankful for what you've got, seriously, because theres someone else out there that would probably love to have half the things you do... like a working phone or ipod... joking, joking...
"You're not a perfect ten but, I don't hit on 19... And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you..."
My two cents,
Dillon
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Something's Missing
I can't be shook out this state of mind, it's none of my own design... I wish there was an over-the-counter test for my loneliness... like... yeah...
Friends... Check
Money... Check
Well-slept... ehhh...
Opposite sex... ehh...
Guitar... Check
Microphone... Check
Messages waiting on me when I get home... You tell me...
Friends... Check
Money... Check
Well-slept... ehhh...
Opposite sex... ehh...
Guitar... Check
Microphone... Check
Messages waiting on me when I get home... You tell me...
So... here we are again...
Well I kinda disappeared for a few months... Started this thing in January and just never followed up with it. Needless to say, this entry will be kinda long, so here goes...
Scratch that. I'd be a fool to say I knew where to begin with this (but then again, I've been more wrong before). Since I last wrote, I've been in so many different moods and states of mind it's hard to keep track of. I've lost some friends, made new ones, and rediscovered some of the ones that I'd lost/that had faded away, which is something I'm really grateful for.
Life is full of mysteries. I can't even put a finger on why some of the friendships that ended did, or why some of those friends faded away- I just look back on it as something out of my control, when in reality, there's always something that I could've (would've.... should've...) done about it but I just didnt. It's not that I didnt care, and in my heart there isn't a friend I've had that I don't still care about to this day, no matter if I havent spoken to them in damn near forever. Everything always seems easier in retrospect-at least for me. At the time, i have no idea what I'm doing, and as I struggle to figure it out, I wind up getting more and more confused to the point where I wind up fucking something up, regardless of my better intentions. After the fact, I'm able to think about it with a cool, calm, and colleceted head, seeing as whats been done is done, and I realize that the simplest thing to do would've been to do what I'd been telling myself to do all along but couldn't work up the strength to do.
"Have no fear of giving in... Have no fear of getting older... You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again..."
As I enter the last few years of adolescents, shit seems so much more real for me now. It's not fun, waking up every morning with the sudden realization that the things I do on any given day are going to influence the rest of my life (whether this is true or not, I don't know, but it sure gets me out of bed [mostly on time] in the morning). This thought follows me on my walk to the train, as I'm running to make it to the train ontime and the doors close in my face (bastards...) right up until the moment I close my eyes in my bed and reflect on days past.
"nothin's ever promised tomorrow, today- and nothin lasts forever but lets be honest babe... it hurts but it might be the only way..."
Some people live by the thought that you have to live every day like it's your last one. Right now, I'm just taking everything one day at a time, living it like tomorrow's a promised thing and that I always have more time to do the things that, in all reality, should've been finished last Thursday. In the end of it all, I think that a reasonable goal in life is to find that balance in knowing when to take that risk and say "listen..." or when to keep your mouth shut, realizing that it really can wait. Right now, I'm really more friendly with the second option in almost every area of my life, and, like everything else in my life, it's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.
Done&
Dusted&
Self-Conscious&
Back to Work.
My two cents,
Dillon
Scratch that. I'd be a fool to say I knew where to begin with this (but then again, I've been more wrong before). Since I last wrote, I've been in so many different moods and states of mind it's hard to keep track of. I've lost some friends, made new ones, and rediscovered some of the ones that I'd lost/that had faded away, which is something I'm really grateful for.
Life is full of mysteries. I can't even put a finger on why some of the friendships that ended did, or why some of those friends faded away- I just look back on it as something out of my control, when in reality, there's always something that I could've (would've.... should've...) done about it but I just didnt. It's not that I didnt care, and in my heart there isn't a friend I've had that I don't still care about to this day, no matter if I havent spoken to them in damn near forever. Everything always seems easier in retrospect-at least for me. At the time, i have no idea what I'm doing, and as I struggle to figure it out, I wind up getting more and more confused to the point where I wind up fucking something up, regardless of my better intentions. After the fact, I'm able to think about it with a cool, calm, and colleceted head, seeing as whats been done is done, and I realize that the simplest thing to do would've been to do what I'd been telling myself to do all along but couldn't work up the strength to do.
"Have no fear of giving in... Have no fear of getting older... You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again..."
As I enter the last few years of adolescents, shit seems so much more real for me now. It's not fun, waking up every morning with the sudden realization that the things I do on any given day are going to influence the rest of my life (whether this is true or not, I don't know, but it sure gets me out of bed [mostly on time] in the morning). This thought follows me on my walk to the train, as I'm running to make it to the train ontime and the doors close in my face (bastards...) right up until the moment I close my eyes in my bed and reflect on days past.
"nothin's ever promised tomorrow, today- and nothin lasts forever but lets be honest babe... it hurts but it might be the only way..."
Some people live by the thought that you have to live every day like it's your last one. Right now, I'm just taking everything one day at a time, living it like tomorrow's a promised thing and that I always have more time to do the things that, in all reality, should've been finished last Thursday. In the end of it all, I think that a reasonable goal in life is to find that balance in knowing when to take that risk and say "listen..." or when to keep your mouth shut, realizing that it really can wait. Right now, I'm really more friendly with the second option in almost every area of my life, and, like everything else in my life, it's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.
Done&
Dusted&
Self-Conscious&
Back to Work.
My two cents,
Dillon
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